Overcoming Cold Spell in a Relationship


Warming Up After a Cold SpellWoman looking stressed at her desk, eyes closed

Whether a couple has been in a relationship for many years or just a few days, cold spells will hit them and no one is exempted from it. It is part of life. It usually occurs when one backs away and lay low from romance and affection. Are you in that position now and makes you worry?

The good news is that this behavior doesn’t mean your relationship is going down the drain. Know that there are ebbs and flows in good relationships and a cold spell is an indication of an ebb. The hard part is sticking it out and it’s nothing short of magic!

Musical Chairs

With 52% of marriages ending in divorce and the average length of a relationship being between two and three years, you have to wonder what’s going on. Relationships have become like a game of musical chairs!

Couples go through cold spells, but if they don’t work through them, they break up. But in doing so, some people end up breaking up with soulmates because they lack patience and understanding. I don’t want to see that happen!

There are a few reasons why couples experience a cold spell.


One of the first things that come to mind when going through a relationship cold spell is that perhaps the partner is backing away because they’re cheating. That’s not always the case. Sometimes your partner is having more fun in your head than in real life! But if they are cheating, there are several ways to tell. Suspicion isn’t enough.

cold spell 2Addiction

Sometimes a cold spell occurs because one partner is trying to cover up an addiction. This is a tough place to be in and I have definitely had my share of callers experiencing this. But there is help out there for both people, whether they decide to stick with the relationship or not.



Money issues can cause cold spells, whether you have too much or too little. Sometimes a partner gets an inheritance and would rather spend their money on themselves, refusing to share a cent with their partner. Other times, job loss can cause a cold spell because the couple can no longer enjoy the life they’ve become accustomed to.

New Friends, Old Friends

When a partner gets a new hobby or a new job, they also meet new people with shared interests. They start spending a lot of time together. This can cause a cold spell. When old friends come back into the picture there is a lot to catch up on. This can also cause a cold spell.

Changes in Routine

Has your partner started a new fitness routine? Have you started a new job with new hours? Any time your schedules get shaken up there’s the potential for a cold spell. Any kind of change can cause a cold spell in a relationship, whether the changes are for better or worse.

cold spell 3Talk it Out

Talk to your partner before you decide to throw in the towel. Tell them how the cold spell is making you feel. They may not know what kind of impact it’s had on you and if they don’t know how you feel, they can’t do anything to make you feel better.

Most importantly, know that most cold spells are temporary. Stop worrying that your relationship is coming to an end, because chances are, it isn’t. But if you’re having a hard time figuring things out and getting through it, I can help.


  1. While the article covers various causes for cold spells, it seems to miss the human element involved. Emotional depth and historical context of the relationship play a substantial role in how these cold spells manifest and are resolved.

  2. Indeed, the ebb and flow in relationships is natural phenomena. However, the article did not delve much into how to effectively communicate during these cold spells. Communication is critical yet difficult to master.

  3. The article brings up some valid points about relationship dynamics. However, I feel that it oversimplifies the complexity of personal interactions. Cold spells may have various underlying causes which can be deeply personal and multifaceted. It’s not only about money or new friends.

  4. It is interessting that the author compares relationships to a game of musical chairs. This metaphor ressonates with me. But, i think, it is important to highlight the value of seeking professional help when dealing with more severe issues like addiction or chronic mistrust.

  5. I appreciate the insight that cold spells are a normal part of relationships. The part about new interests causing a drift is particularly relevant in my experience.

    • Yes, i agree with Wifey. Changes in routine can have significant impact on relationship harmony. How partners handle these changes speaks volumes about the strength of their bond.

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