No relationship is spared of heartaches, disagreements, spats, screaming, and the like. Accusations are flung from 
both sides and resentment sets in. Red flags do appear to warn you that the problem is there. It needs to be dealt with quickly by talking about it, reconciling, compromising and whatever else it takes to set things right. Ideally, couples learn from these problems that came and went, but when not dealt with properly – especially when these issues are not dealt with at all and are simply swept under the rug, there is that underlying, simmering resentment that eventually goes out of control.
So how do you know it’s time for drastic action?
- You have difficulty being vulnerable with your significant other and when you do your worst fears are actualized – you’re left regretting that you revealed your feelings and desires.
- You have ghosts from past relationships that surface because they were not dealt with. You may overreact to fairly innocent things your partner says or does because it triggers a memory from a past relationship.
- You argue about the same things over and over again and never seem to clear the air. You both feel like you’re the loser and that you often have to defend your position.
- You don’t enjoy each other’s friends or families so begin socializing away from one another. This may start out
as an occasional weeknight out. But if not nipped in the bud, it can spill over into weekends – ideally when couples have an opportunity to spend more time together. - You feel criticized and put down by your partner frequently and this leaves you feeling less than “good enough.” According to renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, criticism is one of the main reasons why marriages collapse.
- Your needs for sexual intimacy are vastly different and/or you rarely have sex. Relationship expert Cathy Meyer writes, “Whether it is him or you that has lost interest, a lack of regular intimacy in a marriage is a bad sign. Sex is the glue that binds, it is the way us adults play and enjoy each other.”
- You and your partner have fallen into a pursuer-distancer pattern – one of the main causes of divorce. Over time, it erodes the love and trust between you because you’ll lack the emotional and sexual intimacy that comes from being in harmony with each other.
When you disagree you seldom resolve your differences. You fall into the trap of blaming each other and fail to compromise or apologize. As a result, you experience less warmth and closeness.
This is assuming of course that you still want to save what is left of your relationship it might be time for you to consult what love spells you can use to put some spark into your relationship. No matter what course of action you take, remember to take it one step at a time. Give you and your partner breathing space and a chance to heal with each step towards fixing things.
Criticism can definitely be damaging to a relationship, as mentioned in the article. Gottman’s research has shown that it can create a toxic atmosphere. However, finding a balance between constructive feedback and criticism is not always easy.
The article highlights several critical issues that couples can face. Vulnerability and recurring arguments are indeed red flags that need addressing. One must wonder how effective different resolution techniques can be in real-world scenarios.
I think it’s important to note that acknowledging problems is only the first step. The consistent effort required to mend a relationship can be daunting. The suggestion to consult ‘love spells’ feels out of place in what should be a pragmatic discussion.
Falling into the pursuer-distancer pattern is a real issue many couples face. It can lead to a significant erosion of both emotional and sexual intimacy. I think it is also worth discussing how societal norms influence these patterns.
The idea of unresolved ‘ghosts from past relationships’ surfacing is something many people can relate to. Communication is so critical in these situations, yet it’s often the hardest part.
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